Everyone is a bit self conscious about some part of their body, its natural. I have never been that confident about my body but nothing prepared me for the changes it would go through during treatment. Yes you are given information about how all the medication during transplant can effect your body image, mine all seemed to happen after transplant. Apart from my weight which went up and down depending on nausea and sickness, I wasn't too bothered about my weight as that is something you can work on when your well again whether it be putting on weight or losing a bit.
My skin started to erupt in acne, I had never had this before yes Ive had a few spots but this looked like I had the plague. At its worst It covered my face and oozed randomly not too mention the swelling and bleeding. This made me feel very self conscious especially when I had to go out in public on the train etc, people did literally stare at me which is horrible and makes you even more self conscious. After 6 months of antibiotics it eventually settled, I am now left with scars and pitting on my face but with a bit of make up it is not too bad.
Hair I have talked about this is past posts but to us ladies and some men hair is important when your hair falls out it can be traumatic, I opted for some nice hats while I was bald and while my hair was starting to grow back. Having short hair now it is growing is new to me I have always had long hair but you just have to think it will grow back eventually. At the minute my hair is short and curly cant do anything with it but it is growing slowly.
Steroids ahhh steroids these have been cruel! I have been on Budesonide now with these steroids they are low dose and they work differently to other steroids so you are not meant to absorb them in the same way hence minimal side effects! but me being me I have had every side effect you can think of: Cushings, hair growth, high blood pressure, stretch marks . . .
Cushings causes weight gain and fatty deposits causing ‘moon face’ and ‘buffalo hump’ so I have a face like a chipmunk and a hump and weight gain, non of which help you feel good about yourself, along side that I have ginormous purple stretch marks.
Soon I will be weaning off the Budesonide which I cant wait for I do hope some of these side effects will reduce.
Social events make me self conscious seeing people you haven't seen for a while but don't not go because you feel self conscious people will be just happy to see you rather than thinking how you look.
So for now I am a chipmunkfaced humpback scarred faced whale but on the other hand how thankful I am to be here at all :) All of the above will improve with time but that doesn't stop you feeling self conscious about your body during and after treatment, everyone reacts differently to treatment and have different side effects, all you can do is keep going and be thankful for those days when you have small victories, treat yourself to a new outfit or have a haircut when it is long enough.